Role prep and thousend of other thoughts
Well, well here I am sitting on my desk with that beautiful view over my garden. My trees are hanging full of fruits. it's a fruitful season I have to say. It's only sad that my apricot tree hat only 2 apricots and they are eaten by slakes. Yammy. good for them, bitches.
Anyway, 1 more day to go and to do last preps for my role as Helene in that little movie which will be shoot in Brighton. I love Helene, I saw a lot of characteristic parts of my mother, not that I am a fan of my birth mom, it's the process of preparing a role, like puzzle pieces into a big full picture. I feel deeply unready and empty now. I am personally not at all like my mom/Helen. But Helen is a different personality so I have a familiar distance to it and I love Helen, her courage and weird confidence to have twenty years younger so-called boyfriend. Who has the same age as her daughter? Her insecurities also about the fact that she is ageing, she is middle aged. People would say MILF, I hate that word. Imagine we would call ageing men PILF. OR SILF, which sounds pretty insane. I would rather think that a SILF has syphilis or something, and MILf is bloody awful.
You know there is a point I am glad not to be a bloody youngster anymore. The life experience not be taken for advantage by more experienced beings and so on.
So, Helen, I shall talk about Helen,
I inhale Helen. she is very classy, she knows and takes what she wants. A young men eater. She needs that she/her confidence relies on it. She isn't able to see and feel the beauty of her inner true self. she doesn't listen to her inner voice. She is too fearful of it to trust it. She needs to be assured by the outside. She tortures herself by reading bullshit women magazines is constantly on diets instead of the full enjoyment of the moment. Her appearance is so important to her. Oh, Helen, I give you a big loving hug. I know we go along very well. I hear you and understand you.